Where you can read the relatively rational ramblings of a silly half-monkey, half-boy. This freak of nature is named Joel. He also responds to the name 'Bart Wang'.

 
This is what Europe referred to as 'the final countdown'. That's right, kids, t-minus sixteen hours and counting until Hardcore Joel a.k.a. Bart Wang walks down the aisle as a bachelor and walks back as a married man. Ok, 'man' is a stretch. A married boy then... Today was the rehearsal and dinner. We added some stuff to spice it up a little. Seriously, few people will ever come up with funnier/cooler stuff at their wedding than will occur tomorrow. Since no one really reads this, or you'll read it after the fact, I'll set the stage for you.
First off, let me say this. I've not fantasized about my wedding like a woman has. I haven't pined over the napkins or a dress or those things. The wedding night, sure, but not the ceremonial details. I have, however, wanted two things. Ok, maybe three. Of course, I wanted a woman to marry me and to show up on the wedding day. That will hopefully happen tomorrow. The other things I've wanted were a killer band to play some kick-ass worship songs to God and to march down the aisle to the theme from 'Shaft'. Guess who's wedding has a killer band and will have the groom and best men walk down the aisle to the theme from 'Shaft'? Yep, that's me. Isaac Hayes was busy so we'll just use the recorded version of the song. 'Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine to all the chicks?' Not Joel, he's a one woman man!
Ok, I'll write more. Whitney and Laurie are here and want to hear 'The Poopsmith Song' by Over The Rhine. You can't fight that stuff. I'll be back.
I'm back, about an hour later. We chatted. Whitney and Laurie are awesome. Oh, where was I now? Yeah, so the wedding is about to kick ass. It's got everything, a gorgeous bride, excellent music, high-fives. There's nothing else you could possibly want. That's it. I'm beat. I'm going to find the directions to the hotel tomorrow night (I am not a confident driver in the best of situations, much less on my wedding day) and pack (might as well bring some stuff to Mexico with me, right?). Hope you're having a fine day. Those of you who read this and weren't there (that includes you, Bill & Ronee, Michelle G., Jonathan A. and Lapdog), you were missed. PEACE! See you on the other (i.e., non-virgin) side!

posted by HCJoel at 11:00 PM

 
I don't know how they do it. So many blogs are updated on a daily basis (if not more). I do less than a lot of those people and still only manage one or two posts a month. I suck. Actually, that's a lie. My friend Jeff explained to me that it is actually physically impossible to suck. It's a misnomer. Jeff's got a huge brain so I believe him. Plus, it's really funny to hear the scientific rebuke to such a simple statement that clearly does not invoke a scientific perspective.
I've had a busy month this October of 2004. Earlier in the month (almost three full weeks ago) I had a couple lipomas removed. When I tell people about this, they usually respond by asking, 'A what?' It's a solid fatty tissue that forms under the skin. I have a lot of them but two were particularly annoying. Cut them out. Sewed up the skin (but not well so it hasn't healed easily). Anyhow, if you are actually interested in learning about lipomas you can go here (if you understand medical jargon) or you can read other people's stories about their lipomas here. I haven't posted my story. Yet.
Last Friday, I flew (in an airplane) to Winnipeg. Got to spend the evening with Mike and Sandi Vandermark. We were supposed to go see King's X (because Mike & I like them a lot but he has never got to see them yet) but we were both pretty tired, they weren't going to play until 11PM and tickets were $27. I've already seen them 3-4 times (and they kick ass) so almost $30 was a lot. Plus, were were getting up early the following day. We didn't go. We slept. We were happy.
Mike and I left Sandi to have some solitude. She's already tired of Mike and they've only lived together a month! Either that or she wanted quiet so she could study. I forget which it was. Maybe both. Anyhow, we drove 14.5 hours to Calgary to stay with Jon Belanger. We hung out with Jon until Thursday morning when we booked it back to Winnipeg (another 14.5 hours in the car). The drive went surprisingly well. The company was really good and the conversation just as great. Mike and Jon are such awesome guys. I'm lucky to have such great friends as them. Both are incredibly generous, caring people. We had a lot of fun. Drove to Canmore (which is essentially a town for rich people in a valley amongst the Rocky Mountains) and stayed at the home of an acquaintance of Jon's (they were away for a couple days). Chris VanHoffen came too. Visited Lake Louise (crazy aqua colour) and also Banff. Ate some awesome chocolate and suffered with the effects of our Mexican lunch. Jon and Chris had brutal gas. Seriously, I'm talking horrific. The flatulence went on and on for about 12 hours - I wish I were exaggerating. The car reeked so bad that we could smell the farts even after leaving the car for a while. And Jon's friend's house smelled like poop after they were done with it. And, of course, we laughed and laughed and, while being disgusted, thoroughly enjoyed the whole ordeal.
The night before we left, we went to Montana's for all-you-can-eat ribs. We didn't eat ALL that we could (well, Jon wanted to barf but Mike and I were just comfortable) but it was good. I think we all ate the equivalent of two full racks of ribs. Oh, well, I should clarify. Mike and I were comfortable - until that night. We woke up a lot in the night and burped this disgusting meat flavour. I was bunged up pretty bad too. I won't be doing the all-you-can-eat ribs for a while. November 7th to be exact, 'cause that's when some of the guys are going to the casino in Niagara for a small bachelor-type party for me. Football, friends and a crapload of unhealthy snack foods. Mmmmmm, unhealthy.
Speaking of which, Melanie and I are in the home stretch. Three weeks tomorrow we will be getting married! That's insane! These next weeks are going to fly by, I am certain. I can't believe it's less than a month now. Nothing major left to be done but finalize our numbers and write the cheques. I think that's it, anyhow. I hope so. We're going to work on our vows in the next couple days (we're writing our own). Almost everyone is coming so it's going to be a great party. Some of the people I will miss having present include Christina Vandermark (too busy doing frivolous things like saving lives), Michelle Grunert (rock stars only get so much vacation), Jon-than Masters (chasing people with overdue credit is a daily demand), Dave Lapsley (movie stars have limited free time) and Chantelle Brown (she loves her parents more than me so she's spending the day with them to celebrate their 25th anniversary). And then there are some we didn't invite because of space and that they wouldn't be able to come anyway because of geographical issues (Bill Power & Ronee Cozza, Ally & Christina Conrad, Katherine Whyte). You will all be missed.
Well, I'm going to listen to last week's sermon from church. You should check them out. They're super-interesting. Have a good day. Maybe I'll talk to you soon. Only so much time to talk to Master Joel - soon I'll be a Mister! PEACE!

posted by HCJoel at 10:00 PM

 
Greetings from my new home! Well, this blog spot is the same but my actual physical residence is different. Got the whole Internet back in the house. Pheew. It seems to be pretty fast (I switched from cable to DSL). Looking forward to getting the satellite hooked up next week. Not that I've watched more than one half hour of TV every day since I moved. I think one day I watched an hour. That's it. I just watch 'Sportscentre' (formerly known as 'Sportsdesk') on TSN in the morning before I go to work. I like to catch up on what happened the previous day in the wide world of sports.
It's late and I won't stay up much longer. I'm supposed to hook up with Taxman to work out in the morning and then I'm driving to Simcoe (about an hour or so away) to see a co-worker/friend get married. I gotta pack some new tunes because I've been listening to the same ones for weeks. Tonight, I played through Ben Folds Five 'Naked Baby Photos' and began 'Call It What You Want' by L.A. Symphony. Speaking of music, I'm rapidly developing an appreciation for The Cure. Did I mention this already? I can't recall. I downloaded their 'greatest hits' album and it is killer. So many good songs. I owned a tape of 'Disintegration' in grade seven because my friend, Jay Adshade, liked them. I remember digging that album. I foolishly destroyed it in my religious zeal a couple years later. Now I have to buy the 'greatest hits' album as well as that one (I'd also like to grab 'The Head On The Door').
Tonight, I went out for dinner at Chap's and stuffed myself with Santa Fe chicken fingers. Mmmmm, delicious. Shared the evening with the intelligent Steve-o, the insightful Taxman, the intellectual Paul Rogers, the interesting Chad, the intriguing Cheri-lynn and the imaginary Al Horning. Afterwards, we booked it to the movie theatre and caught the late showing of the first night for 'Shaun Of The Dead'. It was awesome. So many hilarious parts as well as suspenseful moments. Got a little serious near the end but overall it was a fabulous movie. Definitely check it out. Nightie night!

posted by HCJoel at 1:12 AM

 
As I type this, I'm lying on the floor. My desk has been moved to my new house. Moving is terrible. Well, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't trying to move and paint the new house at the same time. As it stands, I am doing that and have not had a spare moment this whole week of supposed 'vacation'. Anyhow, I should be getting back on the Interweb in the next couple of days so I'll try to write more junk then. I hope you're well and enjoying the nice weather. I also hope you send me lots of money in the mail (coins are accepted).

posted by HCJoel at 12:23 AM

 
Woo hoo! It's vacation time, kids! Today is the first day of two weeks I have off work. Didn't do anything today except download a pile of music. I have to re-purchase 'Disintegration' by The Cure. It's such a great record. I bought it on tape back in the early 90s but in the early years of my religious zeal, I threw it out. I did that with a lot of music I wish I still had. A pile of old Rolling Stones, Beatles, Michael Jackson, lots of pop classics. It's all a part of growing spiritually, I suppose. I know now that that there wasn't anything wrong with all that music but at that time I thought that getting rid of it would contribute to the purification of my soul. It was immature but necessary. I don't regret it. Though my bank account will. Hahahaha.
Tomorrow, Melanie and I are driving up to Barry's Bay. Can't wait. It's going to be a fabulous week. Brad & Melissa are hopefully coming up for a couple days, as is Jenn Moreton (and maybe even the world renown DJ Perrin). We may even encounter Taxman and Beth. We will be visiting Mylana Spoelstra tomorrow evening as her family has a cottage there too. I have looked forward to this time since we left the cottage last year.
I have still not moved. Egads, talk about lack of consideration! I invented a new word to describe such people when I was talking to my supervisor, Kevin - 'inconsidiots'. A combination of 'inconsiderate' and 'idiots'. Don't be one.
You can now call our phone number at (905)664-2094. Leave me a message. I'll be moving all my stuff in on the Sunday and Monday and intend to be in there full-time as of Tuesday. It's going to be weird. I'm glad Summer and Mark are still around the corner. I can sit in the basement when I'm sad. Well, I should shower (yes, it is 4PM) because I'm going to go to the gym tonight with Melanie (and maybe Belly will be there too). I hope you have a good week. I'll let you know how the trip was when I get back. I'll tell you now it will be kick-asser. Peace!

posted by HCJoel at 4:01 PM

 
Did I mention that moving sucks? I hope so. It sucks. We were told we might get our new house on Saturday. Nothing doing. That's fine. We had originally been told that the current tenants would be gone by the following Tuesday, which would be today. Still no word. Oh, they're not living there anymore. And we're paying for the phone, heat and hydro. But they still have the keys and we do not. That's inconsiderate and frustrating. Particularly with us paying the bills and having to cancel a furniture delivery as a result.
I got to spend the day with Melanie, which was great. We had hoped to be able to move some boxes and at least see our future digs but it was a let down. Instead, we bought some stuff to bring up to the cottage this weekend and finally got car mats for Melanie's Civic.
I'm reading a great book (aside from the marriage book, Sheet Music) called Understanding The Trinity by Alister McGrath. McGrath is, as my friend Cal refers to him, 'one of those big brains'. He's truly brilliant by any academic standard. He obtained his Ph.D. in molecular biology (clearly not an impressive feat in and of itself) and then went on to achieve his Ph.D. in theology. Holy crap! I read another of his books called The Re-enchantment Of Nature and much of it was way over my head, though I tried my best. Definitely worth looking into his stuff if you can.
Two more days of work and I'm off for over two weeks. Should be a blast. I'm sure I'll want to quit when I have to go back. Hahahaha. Have yourself a good evening.

posted by HCJoel at 9:45 PM

 
It's been a while eh, kids? I'm starting to move this weekend! The house Melanie and I are renting will be put into our possession on Saturday. We are hopefully going to paint right away. Then next Friday we head off to Barry's Bay. Woo hoo! Lots of fun stuff happening.
I'm watching 'Family Guy'. There was a mini-marathon of four episodes. I never watched it before but it's really funny. Like, almost as funny as 'The Simpsons'. That's good. Finished shaving early so I get to watch the rest of the show before I make lunch and read a bit.
I booked flights to and from Winnipeg for the middle of October. Mike and I are taking a road trip to visit Jon (a.k.a. The Professor) in Calgary. But first, we rock out to the brilliant sounds of King's X. I've seen them probably five times but Mike has never got to see them. They're super tight and bring it like you can't believe. And the bassist/singer is over FIFTY YEARS OLD! I kid you not. That is going to be rad.
The wedding party has closed ranks with the addition of one David Blondel, resident of Peterborough, child of Jerseyville. Melanie and I went out with him and Melody last weekend to My Thai downtown. Damn, that's some seriously good food.
I've discovered that Melanie has a ridiculous number of similarities with Melody and Sandi Vandermark. Melanie Jane Garner and Melody Jane Blondel. All of the ladies are with incredibly studly guys. With Sandi, both of them are in nursing, love to be grossed out and share their favourite song (Randy Travis' 'Forever & Ever Amen'). Melanie and Sandi both love country music whereas Mike and I loathe it. Craziness.
Anything else? I can't think of any right now. I should go to sleep. I always write this stuff when I'm about to go to bed. Maybe it's because I can use it as an excuse to stop writing. I hope you're doing well. Send me some love.

posted by HCJoel at 9:58 PM